we're computerizing & we just don't need you anymore

information is like porn.

it wasn't when i was paying for it-college was forced learning & basically all data was processed & then promptly tossed in the nearest bin (& yes, i am english today). but now...today, this exact moment, i can't get enough.

i am an addict.

i need help. wikipedia must be removed from all internet browers. i can hardly get through a conversation with someone, let alone read a single article without running to find out more.

does this sound familiar?

you are chatting up a nice lad, discussing politics, origami, or possibly the worst show in existenence, rock of love (& its sequel) when something is called into question. "...what was that joke about hillary in the onion?...what was urban legend about paper cranes curing cancer?...does bret michaels actually have hair under those creepy bandanas?..."

& its like the conversation, Any Conversation, is temporarily paused until the answers are found. it's as if you can't form words, the whole driving force behind talking is freeze-framed. you feel an itch. you can't let it go. without the answers to your questions, you couldn't possibly continue discussing well, anything. let's imagine the bloke you are chewing the fat with is not hooked on the same info-drug you are. he dismisses the question almost as quickly as it falls out of his fat mouth. you reach for your phone/computer/data-crack-pipe-of-preference & he tells you its "no big deal"...that you can "look it up later."
you start to hate him. a consumning, vehement loathing rolls across your retinas like a full-bodied san francisco fog. you can hardly see him anymore. this cretin. this cow that stands between you & the answers. this imbesol. you want his face to melt right off to expose what is obviously his lack of any brain matter whatsoever.
you start to sweat. if you are me, you scribble down the questions to remind you as soon as you escape the clutches of this toady, unibrowed caveman.

information.
i can't get enough.

the speed at which you can get immediate, as-fast-as-your-connection-speed-allows answers to anything is making me hopelessly ADD. when i read an article, if there is any kind of link, i click on it faster than those big-hair ladies used to smack the whammies on press your luck. i then wander off to a link in that article & la la la...and within a pocketful of minutes am utterly disoriented & have no idea where the hunt for the elusive great white rabbit began.

i started writing this with the fervor of a buffalo hunter, full of piss & vinegar & mollyesque opinions, and then my attention deficit kicked in vis a vis The Debates. most uncomfortable bit of television, fellow americans (for my foreign readers, just be happy we are getting a new president & try to pleasantly ignore the current silliness.)

lost my train of thought...again. i feel like any locomotion of ideas i am focused on gets rattled & meanders into cloud town. is this thing on? hello? am i in harrison bergeron? hello?

(because i am caring, unequivocally giving blogger, i have obviously provided very handy click-on links to answers to all queries posed above, as well as links to any references of really anything discussed herein. my gift to you. you're welcome.)