albeit late, feliz ano nuevo

2007.
everyone is in that "do-over" mode...resolutions...diets...newfound enthusiasm for everything hated just 2 short days ago...ah the optimism found in a new number-2007...a number we get to use for just 363 more days...only 357 days until christmas (and pretty close to that for you kwanzaa, festivus & chanukah folk), people-let's get our heads in the right place.

but i have to admit-i buy into it-why not? a new chance to do something you've always wanted to do-something you were too afraid or too busy to do last year...its kind of nice, actually-like cleaning out your closet or throwing away old lotions you never use-it feels good.

sharing my brilliance IS one of my own personal resolutions-hence this handy tip for my nearest & dearest (really, i just have very little else to talk about...first day back to work being an excruciating drag, etc).

my real life, grown-up resolutions (or something like that)

*learn how to juggle

*learn how to play chess (& not lose all the time)

*create the 28-year soundtrack of my life (in an easy to purchase multiple disk anthology)

*by fully operational & @ 100% productivity with my new mac book pro by year's end (which i don't have yet-a minor detail)

*be silent for one entire day

*write one real letter a week

*wear a leotard to work

*start a food fight in a public place

*talk to my imaginary friend in public

& that's all i have for now...i'll keep you posted.

happy, merry, joyous, fabulous new year people-let's take a moment to smell the magnolia...nice

wrong side, again...

ok, so i am soaking wet, it's black as something really, super black-so i decide to switch to the other side.

i proceed with caution...look both ways, ONLY step into the crosswalk when the spasmodic-man-with-janky-legs-light turns on, i do NOT use the wheelchair on-ramp, i step off the curb just in case (because i am a very sympathetic to those less fortunate than me), i walk @ a regular rate, reaching the opposite curb far in advance of the janky-legged-man-being-replaced-with-the heart-beat-hand-light, i turn around, and i face the direction from whence i came-confident that i will view that faraway place with a triumphant smile, proud to have made it from the darkness into the proverbial light...

of course that is not what happens.

the minute i go to turn around i realize i have stepped in dog crap, there is a really scary looking man snarling @ me with one tooth in his mouth (barely hanging on, i might add) mad because i am stepping on his leprous hand, dirty sewer water covers my feet, the sky is pouring urine & now it's in my hair, and i say:

"wtf, mate? i thought it was this side that was supposed to be sunny?"

happens every time.

the details change, the analogy i use may differ with the situation, but in general-it is always the stinking same.

you bet your bottom dollar it is.

optimism is for dorks.

does that make me a cynic?

i love the stuff we are told growing up. we should do this, we shouldn't do that, we should see things this way, not that way.

let's focus on one that relates to the "sunny side of the street" (which, for the inattentive reader, does NOT, i repeat, does NOT exist)

when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

-who in the crap made this up? when you are handed some totally ridiculous/frustrating situation, you are supposed to stop & add a little sugar & water-which, if put into actualities means you are supposed to do what, exactly? stop & give the tool who messed things up a pat on the back? take time to put makeup on, get all dolled up after you had your front teeth knocked out? this is somehow supposed to make you feel better about yourself? feel warm fuzzies about the situation? what, what, gentle reader...WHY would you ever do this??

real life quip? when life hands you lemons, pucker up & suck. if you are the cautious type, pucker up, suck & have a chaser standing by.