wrong side, again...

ok, so i am soaking wet, it's black as something really, super black-so i decide to switch to the other side.

i proceed with caution...look both ways, ONLY step into the crosswalk when the spasmodic-man-with-janky-legs-light turns on, i do NOT use the wheelchair on-ramp, i step off the curb just in case (because i am a very sympathetic to those less fortunate than me), i walk @ a regular rate, reaching the opposite curb far in advance of the janky-legged-man-being-replaced-with-the heart-beat-hand-light, i turn around, and i face the direction from whence i came-confident that i will view that faraway place with a triumphant smile, proud to have made it from the darkness into the proverbial light...

of course that is not what happens.

the minute i go to turn around i realize i have stepped in dog crap, there is a really scary looking man snarling @ me with one tooth in his mouth (barely hanging on, i might add) mad because i am stepping on his leprous hand, dirty sewer water covers my feet, the sky is pouring urine & now it's in my hair, and i say:

"wtf, mate? i thought it was this side that was supposed to be sunny?"

happens every time.

the details change, the analogy i use may differ with the situation, but in general-it is always the stinking same.

you bet your bottom dollar it is.

optimism is for dorks.

does that make me a cynic?

i love the stuff we are told growing up. we should do this, we shouldn't do that, we should see things this way, not that way.

let's focus on one that relates to the "sunny side of the street" (which, for the inattentive reader, does NOT, i repeat, does NOT exist)

when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

-who in the crap made this up? when you are handed some totally ridiculous/frustrating situation, you are supposed to stop & add a little sugar & water-which, if put into actualities means you are supposed to do what, exactly? stop & give the tool who messed things up a pat on the back? take time to put makeup on, get all dolled up after you had your front teeth knocked out? this is somehow supposed to make you feel better about yourself? feel warm fuzzies about the situation? what, what, gentle reader...WHY would you ever do this??

real life quip? when life hands you lemons, pucker up & suck. if you are the cautious type, pucker up, suck & have a chaser standing by.