danger is my middle name

went to a david sedaris reading on friday night.
top drawer.
& yes, that is his signature at left, and a picture of a turtle.
radio gold.

*please note, i am not going to post for every picture a day-it's too much pressure & i won't ever live up to that level of commitment...a post AND a picture a day...yeah, right. The Project images can always be found by clicking astronomically amazing astroboy in the upper left corner, anytime your heart desires.

off to finish reading my new book.

effulgently ebullient

guess who got a new/vintage (yes, this is possible) polaroid land camera from her friend hao??

and who, on the same day got 10 packs of film from her mom?

that would be me.

today deserves 2 pictures. i can't choose between them.

happy me!

and i, the gift-giver, am humbled.

(standing ovation for mom & hao)

quick question:
is it lame to use fantastic vocabulary words in everyday writing/speaking when the majority of people will have, at best, only a slight-idea as to its meaning? is it pretentious to do this? or is it worse that when you do have that one great SAT word (let's say "insouciance" or "inimitable") in the most fitting of occasions, you don't use it, because you know those around you are small minded nitwits who will make fun & "ohhh la la" your endeavor? is it worse to be pretentious or dragged down to the depths of lolcat & sms-speak? ayn rand would certainly say the latter is the more abysmal choice. i'm with her.

(ps, this was all brought on because i heard "gravitas" three times, in one day.)

scalper (& no, i don't mean of tickets). insert scary laugh here.

day 2, The Project

i was really torn as to what to post as today's glimpse into my "life".

("life" in quotations-not an accident. another very obviously emo shout out implying an ocean of boredom. wait, wait. "...a sea of ennui." BETTER, now i am sound avuncular & kind of bourgeois. top drawer.)

this was the weirder picture. there you go.

cacophony-great word. am going to find probably not-so-subtle ways to use this gem more often. when said aloud, the sound Is the meaning. (i am very philosophical tonight, apparently. let's chalk it up to how my hands are yet again frozen, sitting at my desk, surrounded by 3 very-poorly-if-at-all insulated windows. that sentence alone took 476 minutes to type.)
ok, ladies & worms. going back to my book & cropping pictures for work. nothing spells excitement like a night with the moll. gun moll.

a picture a day-23.june.08

day one.
so we'll see if this lasts, as tonight, trying to figure out what to take a picture of @ almost-midnight was kind of tricksy.

i am writing this on the 24th-and all day today, officially day two of The Project, i have actually thought about what today's picture should be-thus giving a regular tuesday a whole new look. yes, this means lugging my fat camera everywhere, but hopefully it will be insightful, however long it lasts. (obviously i am not holding out hope that this will actually last all year-no reason to set myself up for disappointment. i also think probably half the photos will end up being my dogs sleeping in their beds, as i will undoubtedly have forgotten to take a picture all day. again, we'll see.)

for those music-toads-like-me out there, ratatat (a little electronic, a lot of awesome-try "crips" or "el pico") & lykke li (start with "i'm good, i'm gone" or "little bit"). that's all i have to say.

i need to fix my monkey

sounds dirty.
it really isn't.

i need a damn rubber washer to fix my kay bojesen monkey-and none of the poser ones charlie & i found worked-not even the one i stole.

boo.

ninja on the lawn

i've obviously taken off the month of june.
stay tuned for more greatness sometime soon.

(what's coming next is top drawer.)

reflections on a post-modern society

or "why i hate san francisco public transportation."

decided to let the green infiltrate my soul & not, i repeat, NOT drive my car to the castro where i needed to pick up prints-but instead take muni.

i wanted to really try my hand at not consuming/expending so much energy & gas. all the ads & radio spots & large, alien recycle bins finally worked to make me aware of my carbon footprint, blah blah blah.

reader, please note. i love public transportation in other cities-the metro, subway, the T, MTR, metropolitan-all of these are great systems that make it possible to easily get from point a to where ever you're going much quicker & much more efficiently than on foot. sf muni is like none of these systems.

i digress.

so i get on muni. going about 15 blocks. in theory, i always loved the idea of sf muni trains-they're kind of retro, and look awesome tooling up & down market street.

worst 25 minutes of my life. & i had to do it twice. there & back. the city was really showing its dirty butthole without any attempt to mask the stench. i can't even begin to describe...the horror, the horror.

in a nutshell:
*psychotic asian woman screaming obscenities at the very overweight woman in a wheelchair that slowed down the already tortuously crawling train. this woman shouted awful things-as if the appointment she had to get an even less-natural colour glued in 3" strips on her forehead as a stand-in for eyebrows was so so so so so urgent. it almost came to blows, as everyone else in the rail car was mortified that this woman was being such a dick...or were we all horrified that she even existed? shorthand lesson? crack. kills.

*not to be outdone by nutter lady, we had at least 3 of the foulest smelling MFs on the planet dispersed throughout. this was to create a united front of an odor so powerful, it melted the brakes of our little F-Market train. at one point, i am fairly certain i opened the cap to a sharpie & shoved it in my nose. there was sadly no alternative.

*on the ding-ding trolley back to union square, a fight of epic proportions almost broke out between 2 homeless madamoiselles. one of them was totally cracked out & trying to befriend this vitriolic big lady. the big lady did not like this. she finally backs down & begins to talk chummily about free breakfasts with fat sausages & grits that can be obtained after "group." my stop finally is nearing when the big lady starts shouting about how ted kennedy had an illegitimate black daughter in kentucky that was involved in racketeering. (?) she then starts on a vociferous rant on how mr. kennedy's current medical condition is dominating the news & getting on her damn nerves. (commentary here is just too easy)

as i stepped off the train into the sunshine, i came to three conclusions:

1. san francisco public transportation? not so much.

2. though i have lived here for 6+ years, i am just starting to realize this place has a SERIOUS homeless problem. gavin, stop greasing your fucking hair & do something.

3. hungry around 10am monday-friday? i know a place that serves a kick ass breakfast. obligatory 1 hour "discussion" prior to the meal is required.

cupcakes are muffins. in drag.

i wish i could take credit for this.
oh god, do i wish it was mine...(sigh).

i want to try & stay positive (for the kids).

criticism, competition & cutlery turn the sky blue.

mr. waffle pants. (name of a friend's cat).

all indie band names should include punctuation, which should be further defined as including only the following:
? ! , . () ... " & + (and maybe the *...i haven't decided yet).

the following punctuation should not be allowed in anything other than instant or sms messaging:
@ # $ % ^ =

and the following should not be included because they are the most boring of all punctuation (& should remain in the html world where they belong):
: ; {} [] - _ <>

a few phrases to try & slip into your positively raging weekend (taken from various conversations both real & imaginary):
*take the danger & put in the bank.
*fortune cookie hour is over.
*fake a seizure. that always works for me.
*adopt a less marital tone.
*the only things we had going for us were smooth thighs & a tenacity from being naive.
*clearly we made emo, dark soul sharing plans for tonight
and those trump this event. i just wanted to put it out
there in case you want to glam it up a bit.
*yep, still in the city...can't figure out where i would live after this...the mountains...the ocean...the democrats. its a good place for me.
*stay cool. alas, that will not be possible in the surface-of-mars biome you are currently inhabiting. (& the science talk?? apparently someone is listening to way too much NPR.)
*the white people are melting.

it's friday...can you tell from the nonsensical banter & mindless, unfocused drivel? am i writing just to write? (yes, yes, obviously yes).

see you in june, suckahs.

inflated sense of self & top-heavy egos

(line stolen from chuck...i couldn't help it)

going to see ladytron. happy as clam (why, again, are clams supposedly so carefree & giggly-girl-glad? this seems perverse. from what i've heard about these mollusks, the life of a clam is nothing short of boring, cold & crappy. they don't even have a face.) (reader, please note, i have no idea what i am talking about in the world of biology & one if not all of the "fact-of-a-clam" statements above are undoubtedly false. sadly, i have neither the time nor the interest in looking up clams on wikipedia. please feel free to further research this topic @ your leisure.)

LADYTRON.


(with a subdued shout-out to the underappreciated clam).

(oh, & i finally finished banksy's flowers on amy's deck...it only took 20 minutes-not really sure why i procrastinated for 20 weeks...)

limeade slushes & holding the door open

or
a reflection on growing up in the south

*the reader should note the writer Does Indeed recognize the difference between the deep south & texas. there are pertinent & important differences that can & should be elaborated on by someone (not me). but for the sake of this "piece", the author will call texas "the south"...be able to handle it, as we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.

so, with the old job, i used to go to arkansas at least a few times a year-and i was always surprised how driving out of the airport & seeing fields of cows & open space made me kinda smirk-y. i wouldn't have expected it, as i rarely go to home, and don't visit texas unless on a transfer flight (sorry mom). this is not an accident. i left my home state in a whirlwind of rancor & angst...never quite feeling right about it & never accepting my time there as anything other than a prison sentence. when i packed up my uhaul & finally got out, all i could remember was how i loathed every last detail.

so why the clandestine smiles when i get back to the south? am i repressing pleasant memories? do i (gasp) actually like things about growing up white in america?

i think the change first starts to get my attention when i am putting my carryon into the overhead. i go to slug my 80 lb (clearly surpassing the weight limit) suitcase & i feel it lighten immediately... wtf??!? my suspicion increases...i start to think for whole seconds that all of my shit has been siphoned through the torn front pocket...when all of sudden-BAM. i get it. that guy 14 rows back saw little ole me lifting something other than a fan or sweet tea to my lipsticked lips...and ran up to help me.

chivalry.

oh yeah...that was that thing where guys help girls out. scary feminist take these symbolic gestures as signs of an overriding socialized bias of female fraility. no, no, no. i always took the door being opened for me, being the first to leave the elevator & help with heavy things as just fan-fucking-tastic. i forgot about these southern men & their manners & how warm my blushing cheeks feel.

i like that.

i become more wide-eyed as i am greeted by the first stranger walking opposite me in the airport terminal. "how're you doin' t'day?". it always takes me 3 or 4 of these interactions before i remember this is what people who don't know one another do. oh yeah-and everyone makes eye contact. especially the opposite sex. age, race, amount of botox...it doesn't matter. you make eye contact. oh, and you smile. that's a big part. (i recall my very-different-opinion of this behavior when i left the state many years ago...all this namby-pamby smiling...because these southern smiling idiots are silly-headed ninnymuggins. with cotton between their ears.)

now i'm all dopey smiling back.

more later on this topic, gotta stand in line for mr. plane.

regnat populus

hotter than a really bad metaphor for something warm-like a gnat's ass or hell or fill-in-the-blank.

yes. it is hotter than any crap analogy.

h.
o.
t.

i must say, however, even though i have scrubbed all southern twang from my voice, as well as all tragic texas social tenets...there is something comforting about a town surrounded by fast food, walmart & gas stations with 60 oz. beverages. you don't get that in california.

my hand is a parking cone; my head is my head

first of all, xenophobia is spelled with an "x" not a "z"...another tricky bit about the english language...an "x" is a sub for the "z" sound, occasionally. just for funsies. we like to throw this in for immigrants & foreigners-to keep them guessing. our gift to the world.

(insert aggravated, disgruntled sighing here).

trying to get my imovie skills up & running again (those same talents that brought you the "ana's birthday" extravaganza)-it's all about the soundtrack & narration...and since i am apparently never going to get my voice back, my voice as The Voice sounds like an old 3-pack-a-day-hag (or grandma ruth, whatev). maybe this will work in my favor? keep your radio dial on this station.

beautiful, oh-so-gorgeous day in the city. can't complain (which is shocking me into numb fingers & nothing to say...as without something to get agro about, i am painfully boring).

off to work.

*ps
what i would have said-part 1
today, met a very talented girl (please note everyone under the age of 100 is a "girl" to me, not a "woman" which sounds manny) who said when discussing that she was a vegan (background story, i said..."i couldn't do that! i drink a gallon of milk a day")-she says "we are the only species that drinks milk". which is true.
i wish, however, that i had been witty enough to say "and we are also the only species that drives cars & has banks & puts on false eyelashes." alas, i thought of this brilliant comeback 3 hours post-conversation.
tragic.